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A normal life for his child
By Anthony Thanasayan, 17 Jun 1999
Used with permission from Star Publications (M) Berhad
LIKE many parents before them, K. Ariyathavaratnam, 61, and his wife had no inkling that their first-born son, Surendra, had a severe hearing impairment.
"My wife, Premavathy, and I didn't realise this as our child seemed perfectly normal at that time," says Ariya, who runs his own management and engineering consultant firm.
"In fact, it wasn't until six months later that we noticed that something was terribly amiss. Our boy, we observed, was strangely not responding to noise in general. He paid no attention to us even when we clapped our hands. TV sounds and the sounds of children playing in the neighbourhood made no difference to him."
They immediately sought medical help. A series of tests were conducted by several specialists. By the time the boy turned one, his fate was confirmed - Surendra is permanently deaf. This was Ariya's first experience of disability in the family.
"Our initial feelings were one of shock and dejection. But fortunately we had access to medical professionals and research materials from abroad which helped to allay our fears and misconceptions about deafness and the prospects of raising a deaf child in the family," says Ariya.
The first two years in particular were extremely tough for the parents as they struggled to learn of the deaf in a hearing world. They sought every possible treatment for Surendra, including advice and support from medical officials. But the most crucial support came from research materials prepared by deaf organisations overseas.
"Most people here warned us that we were in for a 'very difficult time," says Ariya. "Others told us the experience would be 'traumatic' and that our boy would turn 'aggressive' and 'refuse to co-operate.'"
These comments, although well-meant, did not help to resolve their problem.
"What we found particularly useful instead were advice given by leading deaf organisations in Britain and elsewhere, which took a more practical approach to deafness," recalls Ariya.
"Their invaluable information on handicapping conditions helped us a lot to cope with our feelings and emotions as well as Surendra's."
The parents also wasted no time in ensuring that their son got a proper education. At the age of five, Surendra began studying in special classes for the deaf and his studies continued right up to secondary level.
While his son was in regular school attending special classes, Ariya helped to initiate several special support groups, which proved to be very successful, for parents of deaf children.
The group sessions enabled parents, teachers as well as students to interact and share their experiences with each other, thereby boosting morale all around.
Ariya says he couldn't have done it if he and his wife hadn't taken the initiative to join local deaf organisations, attend sign language classes, or take part in YMCA parents' support group activities, among others.
While his son was in primary school, Ariya, together with some others, sought the Education Ministry's help to look into the special needs of th e deaf like setting up special audio rooms to conduct proper hearing tests.
Over the years, Ariya says, both he and his wife have learnt much about t he handicapped through their deaf son, Surendra. Thus they believe that parents should do everything humanly possible to raise their deaf children normally. They should allow them to take part in regular activities such as family outings and religious functions and maintain full communication with them at all times.
Most important of all, they should accept them as they are and , give them love and care. "Whilst sign language helps us communicate with our loved ones, let's not forget that other forms of communication such as a gesture like a smile o r a hug plays an important role in building up these children's self-esteem," says Ariya.
Ariya and Premavathy, who reside in Bangsar, Kuala Lumpur, have another son, Ganendra, 24, who is pursuing a course in the United States. Surendra, now 27, is a landscape assistant in KL.
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